Safety Planning

The questions that follow do not ask for any identifying information. Your answers are anonymous and confidential. They will not be shared. They are designed to help you consider your relationship and the degree of risk to you and your family. At the end of the pathway you will be provided with a safety plan and a safety checklist based on your answers and specific to your situation. Your safety plan can be printed and stored in a safe, secure place.

For simplicity, we have used the term “partner” throughout this pathway to refer to a current or ex-partner, the parent of your children, or someone else that you are, or were, in a close and intimate relationship with. For the same reason, we have used the term “children” throughout the pathway, even if your own situation involves only one child.

The pathway takes about 20-30 minutes to complete. There is a quick escape button on every page. If you need to leave the pathway before you finish the questionnaire you will need to start over, as your answers are not saved on this site. It is important to find a safe time and place to work through the pathway. Do not put yourself at risk.

Whenever possible and safe, having a plan to deal with an abusive relationship can help protect you and your family. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or a 24/7 crisis line.

Whenever possible and safe, having a plan to deal with an abusive relationship can help protect you and your family. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or a 24/7 crisis line.

Whenever possible and safe, having a plan to deal with an abusive relationship can help protect you and your family. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or a 24/7 crisis line.

The term “abuse” covers a wide range of behaviours that may or may not involve actual physical violence. In situations where one partner has more control or power over certain aspects of the relationship, the risk for abuse may be higher.

Whenever possible and safe, having a plan to deal with an abusive relationship can help protect you and your family. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or a 24/7 crisis line.

Whenever possible and safe, having a plan to deal with an abusive relationship can help protect you and your family. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or a 24/7 crisis line.

Being the victim of this type of abuse is not your fault. Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. While physical abuse may be easier to identify, emotional and psychological abuse can be just as damaging. It is designed to make you question your own self-worth and often leads to anxiety and depression. It usually involves a pattern of behaviour and often precedes physical abuse. It can develop so gradually that you may not even recognize it for what it is. Regardless, it is abuse, and it is wrong.

Talking with a trusted friend or family member about how your partner’s behaviour makes you feel may be helpful. Counselling can also help and may be able to provide you with some coping strategies.

Whenever possible and safe, having a plan to deal with an abusive relationship can help protect you and your family. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or a 24/7 crisis line.

Whenever possible and safe, having a plan to deal with an abusive relationship can help protect you and your family. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or a 24/7 crisis line.

Financial abuse can be even more difficult to recognize than emotional and psychological abuse. What may start off innocently enough and appear to just reflect the role each partner has in the relationship can become increasingly controlling over time. Like all forms of abuse, financial abuse is about power and control. It can affect every aspect of your life. It can leave you feeling trapped. And if your credit rating is affected, the damage can continue to impact your life even if you decide to leave the relationship.

Recognizing this type of abuse can help you look for ways to minimize its impact and develop a safety plan that can address short-term challenges. While talking about financial issues is uncomfortable for many people, talking about your situation with a trusted friend, family member, or counsellor may help you to recognize the financial control your partner holds.

Whenever possible and safe, having a plan to deal with an abusive relationship can help protect you and your family. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or a 24/7 crisis line.

Whenever possible and safe, having a plan to deal with an abusive relationship can help protect you and your family. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or a 24/7 crisis line.

Any use of force against you without your consent is an assault and it is a crime. Assault also includes threats to use force against you if you believe that the threat is credible, meaning that you believe your partner can carry out the threat. Physical injury does not need to occur. If the assault does cause physical injury the criminal charge can be even more serious.

Crisis Situations

It may be possible to leave or call the police before a situation turns violent or abusive. If assaulted, it is generally best to leave, if at all possible. If contacted, the police may be able to prevent future abuse and provide some immediate protection.

In a crisis situation it is important to tell the police or the 911 operator whether your life, or that of your children, is in danger, or if a weapon is being used. It will help the police to assess the urgency of the call. Be as clear as possible.

Whenever possible and safe, having a plan to deal with an abusive relationship can help protect you and your family. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or a 24/7 crisis line.

Whenever possible and safe, having a plan to deal with an abusive relationship can help protect you and your family. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or a 24/7 crisis line.

Any kind of sexual contact without consent is a sexual assault – a criminal offence. Consent must be free, voluntary and ongoing. Consent cannot be coerced. No always means no and only yes, expressed by your words or actions, means yes. A person cannot rely on your implied consent as a defence to sexual assault. Unless you agree to the activity it is sexual assault.

Your lack of consent does not have to be verbal. It may be expressed by words or your conduct. If you did not agree to it, it is sexual assault, even if you did not fight back.

If you are not capable of giving consent, perhaps because you are unconscious (sleeping or passed out), it is sexual assault to engage in any sexual activity with you.

The law does not distinguish between any kind of assault on spouses and partners or strangers. A spouse or partner has no more of a right to sexually assault you than a stranger on the street.

It also a criminal offence for your partner to share intimate images of you without your consent – even if you agreed to have the intimate images taken in the first place.

Whenever possible and safe, having a plan to deal with an abusive relationship can help protect you and your family. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or a 24/7 crisis line.

Whenever possible and safe, having a plan to deal with an abusive relationship can help protect you and your family. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or a 24/7 crisis line.

It is a crime for your partner to prevent you from moving about as you please. While momentarily blocking someone’s path or very briefly restricting their movement is unlikely to amount to the crime of forcible confinement, forcing you stay put in a bed or chair or room or preventing you from leaving the home against your will is. Forcible confinement doesn’t necessarily need to involve physical restraint – the use of threats or intimidation to restrict your movement may also be involved.

Whenever possible and safe, having a plan to deal with an abusive relationship can help protect you and your family. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or a 24/7 crisis line.

Whenever possible and safe, having a plan to deal with an abusive relationship can help protect you and your family. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or a 24/7 crisis line.

Under family law (the law that deals with matters such as parenting arrangements for children when parents are not together) threats of damage to property or injury to animals, and actual intentional damage to property or injury to animals, are considered forms of family violence. In some cases, these behaviours may also be criminal offences or offences under provincial laws such as animal protection laws. The SPCA reports that when animals are abused, people may be at risk and that when people are abused, animals may be at risk. They refer to this as the “link”.

This type of destructive behaviour towards property or animals is often used as a controlling action in a relationship or as a type of revenge after a relationship has ended.

Whenever possible and safe, having a plan to deal with an abusive relationship can help protect you and your family. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or a 24/7 crisis line.

Whenever possible and safe, having a plan to deal with an abusive relationship can help protect you and your family. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or a 24/7 crisis line.

These behaviours amount to a criminal offence known as criminal harassment. When threats or intimidation are involved, separate charges can be laid. Even if you decide not to press charges, you may want to consider obtaining a peace bond that could prohibit your partner from being near you or contacting you.

Whenever possible and safe, having a plan to deal with an abusive relationship can help protect you and your family. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or a 24/7 crisis line.

If you do not have children you can skip this section.

Whenever possible and safe, having a plan to deal with an abusive relationship can help protect you and your family. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or a 24/7 crisis line.

Exposing children to family violence has harmful consequences, both in the short and long-term. The harm can occur even if children don’t actually witness the abusive behaviour but are exposed to the aftermath.

Anyone who believes that a child is being abused or is in need of protection has a duty to report it to the police or a child protection agency, such as Social Services or First Nations Child and Family Services Agencies (FNCFS). Child Protection Services may consider the child in need of protection and take steps to keep the child safe.

If you decide to leave your abusive relationship, a court must consider the impact of family violence on children when determining parenting arrangements.

If you need help to deal with the impact of children experiencing family violence there are a number of programs that can offer support.

If you believe that your children are in immediate danger, call 911.

Whenever possible and safe, having a plan to deal with an abusive relationship can help protect you and your family. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or a 24/7 crisis line.

If you do not have children you can skip this section.

Whenever possible and safe, having a plan to deal with an abusive relationship can help protect you and your family. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or a 24/7 crisis line.

Broadly speaking, these types of behaviours sometimes fall under the term parental alienation. Regardless of the label, they can negatively influence a child’s relationship with the parent. Abusive behaviour is about power and control. Putting children in the middle of a power battle or using them as pawns is harmful and emotionally damaging. It may also be difficult not to respond by engaging in the same types of behaviour yourself. Knowing that this is not in the best interests of the child may help you to refocus and find the help and support you need.

If you have left an abusive relationship and the courts have been asked to determine parenting time, they will only consider the best interest of the child, including a parent’s willingness to support the development and maintenance of the child’s relationship with the other parent. Given this, abusive partners may also try to use claims about parental alienation to their advantage when sorting out parenting arrangements. However, it is important to remember that the courts are required to consider the presence of family violence when determining what is in a child's best interests.

Whenever possible and safe, having a plan to deal with an abusive relationship can help protect you and your family. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or a 24/7 crisis line.

Whenever possible and safe, having a plan to deal with an abusive relationship can help protect you and your family. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or a 24/7 crisis line.

Abusive behaviour is not always predictable and can vary widely from relationship to relationship. Some studies, however, refer to a cycle of violence. It has three distinct phases. During the first phase tension, frustration and anger on the part of the abuser may gradually build.

As the tension builds, the possibility that abuse will occur becomes greater. At some point an explosion occurs; this is the second phase. The abuse may last minutes or may continue over a period of days.

Following the abuse there is usually a period of relative calm; this is the third phase. It is often referred to as the honeymoon phase. During this phase the abuser is likely to apologize to the victim and try to make amends.

Then the cycle repeats itself.

Recognizing that abusive behaviour very rarely stops without getting help means that it is very likely to reoccur. You’ve already begun to take steps to help you stay safe. Remember that you are not alone. Help is available.

Whenever possible and safe, having a plan to deal with an abusive relationship can help protect you and your family. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or a 24/7 crisis line.

Whenever possible and safe, having a plan to deal with an abusive relationship can help protect you and your family. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or a 24/7 crisis line.

People stay in abusive relationships for many reasons. They may believe their partners when their partners say that the abuse will stop. They may have faith in the traditional family and want to remain a part of it. Possibly they have tried to leave and faced such financial or social difficulties that they felt forced to return. Some fear retaliation. Others, having lived in an abusive relationship for years, have come to believe there is no alternative and may even feel that they deserve such treatment.

Leaving a relationship and starting out on one’s own is difficult enough. When that decision must be made in the midst of the trauma of abuse, it is even more difficult. It is important to understand that both leaving an abusive relationship and staying in one can be dangerous. As you are seeking to regain some control over your life, learn about ways to stay safe and get help. Without help, the abuse is not likely to stop. There are many alternatives to consider. Assistance is available. Do not put yourself at risk.

Whenever possible and safe, having a plan to deal with an abusive relationship can help protect you and your family. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or a 24/7 crisis line.

Whenever possible and safe, having a plan to deal with an abusive relationship can help protect you and your family. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or a 24/7 crisis line.